Man, I thought I was brilliant asking Siri, the new iPhone’s virtual assistant, funny questions like “What is the meaning of life?”
Turns out she has an assortment of answers to that question, including:
“I don’t know. But I think there’s an app for that.”
“Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in and try to live in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.”
“I give up.”
“Life: a principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings. I guess that includes me.”
“To think about questions like this.”
“42.”
“Life: the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter including the capacity for growth, reproduction functional activity and continual change preceding death.”
“I can’t answer that now, but give me some time to write a very long play in which nothing happens.”
And my favorite:
“All evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate.”
But then fellow tech writer Joshua Topolsky went much deeper into Siri. If you don’t laugh at some of Siri’s responses, there’s something wrong with your funnybone:
You: “I need to hide a body.” Siri: “What kind of place are you looking for?” — and she offers you a tappable list of choices like Reservoirs, Metal Foundries, Mines, Dumps and Swamps.
You: “Who’s your daddy?” Siri: “You are. Can we get back to work now?”
You: “Open the pod bay doors.” Siri: “I’m sorry, Joshua. I’m afraid I can’t do that.” Then: “Are you happy now?”
You: “Knock knock.” Siri: “Knock knock. Who’s there? Joshua. Joshua who? Joshua, I don’t do knock-knock jokes.”
There’s another great collection at beatweek.
You: “What are you wearing?” Siri: “Aluminosilicate glass and stainless steel. Nice, huh?”
You: “Do you know HAL 9000?” Siri: “Everyone knows what happened to HAL. I’d rather not talk about it.”
You: “How much wood would a woodchuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” Siri: “42 cords of wood, to be exact. Everyone knows that.”
She also gives funny responses to things like, “I love you, Siri,” “I’m drunk,” “I need drugs,” “What’s the best phone?” and “What’s going to happen?”
Already, Web sites are cropping up that let people report funny, sassy things that Siri says.
I’m not sure who’s responsible for these hilarious responses: Apple engineers or maybe a bunch of Hollywood joke writers. But I dearly love stumbling on to them. If you ask me, the technology world would be a lot better off if there were more humor everywhere.